Journal Entry

–To Do–
Research jobs, 5 of them
Apply to them
Text Mary Anne?
Typing test

Today is August 10th, 2023

Journal Entry
On Monday morning I talk to S online. We chat about our lives: the people who have wronged her,
news and doubts in my romantic relationship with Ken, and small talk about how our families are
doing. I spend the rest of the day relaxing, laying on the couch and thinking about how I should clean out the fridge.

Facing My Fears Helped Me Grow as a Person
Fall quarter had its mix of good and bad events, but the unpleasant share weighed heavily. I had
extreme anxiety and nausea was my constant companion. I learned to live with this fear, of trying hard and having it all go to waste. I learned that I resented my professors and going to class because it reminded me of my relationship to my mom growing up—of having to hang on to every word she said and my survival depended on this. I knew this wasn’t exactly fair to them, they were nice people and the subject matter is interesting, but I held this resentment anyway. When studying for my micro econ class final exam I looked over the practice final but skipped the first question since it wasn’t something covered in class. Surely, he wouldn’t test us on something not covered in lecture. But sure enough, that very same question appeared on the final exam. I felt defeated, embarrassed, and a little angry. Angry at him and myself since I ended up earning a D in that class. Now, I am sure to be more cautious of these tricks that professors like to play on us. My fear was that I was powerless to get the things I want. I’m terrified of a lack of personal agency. But I went to class despite feeling like a fraud, and I attended office hours with deliberation and mindfulness.
I felt the nausea in my stomach and did box breathing to cope. I took each day one at a time, and
allowed myself to reclaim my power by allowing myself to feel proud of myself. I slowly grew as a
person.

Winter quarter was my favorite of all. My classes were engaging; a combination of interesting and
challenging. I don’t like when school is boring and easy. I joined a study group for my game theory class and we developed an almost friendship-like bond with them. We joked around while discussing
variations on the Prisoner’s Dilemma and second-price sealed-bid auctions. One of the guys in the group worked at Woodstock’s so after this class’s final exam we all went out to eat there after the final, and I still talk to one of the girls from that group today. I also had a crush on another guy from that group, and I’d get a faint thrill whenever we’d exchange thoughts.